When you’re in the middle of a clean-up-the-playroom lecture or asking your teenager for the hundredth time to silence her phone at the dinner table, it’s easy to think our kids just don’t listen to us. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth, say experts. The words we choose—whether consciously or not—can have a big impact on how our children navigate the world and the people they become. That’s why we tapped family psychologists and counselors for the phrases they recommend avoiding on our quest to raise happy and well-adjusted humans. Here, four things to ban from your lexicon, stat.