“Divorce can be very emotional,” Goikhman tells us. “And many parties get trapped into short-term thinking, hoping to ‘win’ a small battle for the sake of their ego or avoiding hurt.” But newsflash: the co-parenting doesn't stop just because your marriage has. It must continue through the divorce and thereafter. So as much as you want justice in the name of Everything You’ve Done for Him™, fueling the fire only hurts the family unit (yep, unfortunately you’re still kinda a family unit), and you’ll be stuck with it. If you can remain cordial, you can hopefully fashion solutions that work for everybody involved and create long-term, reliable processes.
Take extra curricular activities, says Goikhman. You could play the blame game with your ex over who forgot to bring Ricky's karate uniform or soccer cleats to practice or you two could sit down (perhaps with a mediator) and figure out bigger solutions that work for your unique situation. For instance, maybe as co-parents you decide to invest in double the gear to have at each home. Or maybe you agree that it's a timely lesson for Ricky about mental load and packing his own bag. Or maybe when you two are working out the carpool, you realize how over-scheduled Ricky is and that the kid needs some down time. The point is, haggling over the small things can mean you'll skim over bigger conversations that can have real-life implications.