“My ex and I broke up three years ago. He was consistently unavailable due to his job’s demands at the time, and I was tired of waiting for him. Although I’ve had a few boyfriends since, we continue to catch up with regularity, and after the demise of my most recent toxic relationship, we ended up getting drinks, staying out late and sleeping together. And it was so good; everything I remember, but better. We’ve now been getting together—and sleeping together—multiple times a week for a few months. I’ve always been against getting back together with an ex, believing that you have to move forward in life—which he knows. But the spark is still there. Should I consider breaking my rule, or am I being crazy for considering it?”
Yes, I think you should consider getting back together; it’s rare to have sparks after a breakup (especially after three and a half years!). That said, I want you to ask yourself some hard questions and approach your ex with a lot of careful thought and consideration.
First, you just said you got out of a toxic relationship, which can be a disorienting experience. Oftentimes, when we’re hurting, we don’t make the most clearheaded decisions and we really do gravitate back to what feels soft and safe. So you need to ask yourself whether your ex is a cushion or if he could be a true partner moving forward. (Yes, you should always be moving forward; on that point, you are so, so right.)