- The first rule of my PMS is don’t talk about my PMS.
- You may use the fridge, but do not touch the second shelf (those Snack Pack puddings are essential to my well-being at this time).
- If you have eaten the hidden reserve of Oreos, they must be replaced in a timely matter.
- My boobs will hurt, and I will take at least 10 pregnancy tests to confirm I am not pregnant (see rule #1).
- I will ask you if the cystic acne on my chin is bad. The only acceptable response is, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
- I will have uncontrollable gas. Prepare as needed.
- Flo from Progressive will make me cry, laugh and feel things I haven’t felt since “Friday Night Lights” first aired.
- I will become increasingly bloated and take 10 more pregnancy tests, about which you should not say a damn word (see rule #1).
- You may find me prone on the floor in the linen closet mid-nap. Grab what you need and do not disturb.
- OK fine, you can disturb once. But only if you have Snack Pack puddings.
Kindly Follow: Instructions in Preparation for My PMS
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Published Jul 10, 2023
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