From meal prep to birthday parties, the best ways to live our lives as we hunker down and stay home seem to have already been discussed at length. But as this goes on and on, one long day bleeding into the next, I couldn’t help but wonder—Carrie Bradshaw-style—if we should be breaking up the monotony with more sex. But not regular pre-bedtime night sex. Since most of us are stuck inside all day, every day, should we be replacing the pre-COVID cigarette break (or walk around the building) with something else? What I’m asking is not just should we be having more sex, but should we be doing it during the (gasp!) workday? I asked a couple of sexperts for their take.
“Day sex is a great idea,” sex and relationship expert, Dr. Tammy Nelson, PhD., told me off the bat. In fact, she explained that sex in general is more important now than ever as we move from the acute stress of life with COVID-19 to, in her words, shock. “This is a more chronic, long-term stress where we sink into survival mode and experience intense emotions and exhaustion.” (Sounds about right.) “This low-level dysphoria leads to a shutdown of emotion and a general lack of imagination,” Dr. Nelson continued, “You might feel like you have nothing to look forward to and feel generally discouraged about life.” (Uh, did someone read my diary?) And this stress could make you more tired at night, which might be why your sex life has taken a hit recently.
The fix? Take your lunch with a side of sex. If you’re sheltering in place safely with a partner or someone you wanna bang (and they wanna bang you too), sex can be a free couples’ therapy session and mood booster.
Sarrah Rose, a tantric sex therapist and certified sex, love and relationship coach put it this way: “During the workday, we're bombarded with anxiety-inducing news stories about the pandemic and work-related issues that push us into hyperstress, which can cause damage. Daytime sex helps to reduce those stress levels. It gets us into the moment by boosting our oxytocin, hormones and dopamine levels.”
Even if you’re not struggling with stress or anxiety, you’re probably coping with boredom, which Rose warns can evolve into stupid arguments. But sex, she says, can alleviate some of that extra tension.
But how do you fit daytime sex in when you’re managing kids, work, endless loads of laundry and a dog who gets into your trash no matter how securely you put the lid on? It’s not sexy, but you can schedule it. Just like you put meetings and classes and T-ball on your calendar, add this special meeting.
“These sex dates are most likely not going to happen spontaneously,” says Dr. Nelson, who suggests finding a time on the calendar that works more than once a week. She goes further, advising to add some “erotic” surprises (well, erotic for quarantine): Get dressed up, wear makeup, put on shoes and meet in the bedroom or the kitchen or wherever you can find space or time and steal a few intimate moments.
Beyond the stress and anxiety benefits, Dr. Nelson sees this as an opportunity for your relationship. “If you're lucky enough to have the space and time, make sure you connect with each other and remember what's really important; remind each other that there is a safe, cozy place to crawl into when life outside feels unsafe and just, well, unpredictable.”
The bottom line? Sexperts say that day sex is 100 percent on the menu. Order up!