A great bra works wonders. It lifts, separates and sucks you in in all the right places. That is, unless you’ve been wearing the same one for a few (oh, or maybe even ten) years. Here, 15 signs that prove it’s definitely time to toss it.
1. The cups resemble Madonna’s Blonde Ambition Tour circa 1990.
2. There’s a weird smell near the underarm area that won’t go away, even after you wash it in your salad spinner.
3. You can feel metal digging into your skin--in places you didn’t realize a bra could have metal.
4. Is that a belt around your waist? Nope, just your strapless bra. Nothing to see here.
5. You’d be wholly mortified if someone rifled through your top drawer.
6. One of the hook-and-eye closures is nowhere to be found.
7. Your best friends ask why you’re wearing a sports bra at 1 p.m. (Not a sports bra.)
8. There are holes in your lace and now weird fat bulges in its place.
9. You have to re-adjust the length of the straps at least once a day because that right one just loves to migrate to your elbow.
10. There are red indentations left on your skin after a normal day of wear.
11. The fabric used to be a pretty pinkish-nude. It’s now a moldy-looking gray.
12. After about seven hours, you have to run to the ladies' room and pry the horrible contraption from your body, because the straps are legit causing bruising.
13. You’re pulling little balls of pilling off of it as we speak.
14. Whoops. Your underwire just shot across the room.
15. But, seriously, why does it look like there’s just one big uni-boob in there?