Your friend tells you that she is adopting and, of course, you’re completely thrilled for her. But you might be worried about saying the wrong thing during what’s already a super-stressful time for her. Here are six common pitfalls to avoid.
“I bet now you’ll get pregnant!”
This one’s often coupled with a story about how your sister’s friend adopted a child and then got knocked up three months later. You may be joking or trying to imply that she’s got good things coming, but a comment like this implies that adoption was a last resort, or that this child will not be as cherished as a biological one.
“How much is this going to cost you?”
Adoption can be expensive, but asking adoptive parents about money isn’t productive (it’s also kind of tacky—this is about expanding her family, not a purchase). If you’re asking because you’d like to help, then offer to throw a baby shower when your friend is ready, or ask if she needs any children’s clothing or supplies instead.
“My coworker’s third cousin adopted and had the most terrible experience.”
This one’s an obvious no-no. Whatever horror story you may have heard from someone or seen on the news, know that this is not the norm—it’s also not going to be helpful to relay this to your friend. Think of it this way: If your friend told you she was pregnant, you wouldn’t respond by telling her about a miscarriage, would you? Just, no.