Let’s play a game. Every time you think about posting something to social media, ask yourself these 28 questions. If you answer yes to any of the following, perhaps re-evaluate the life choices that brought you to the conclusion that the photo of your dog (or kid) drooling really needed to be seen by your extended network of friends. You’re welcome in advance.
1. Have I included too many hashtags?
2. Have I included #onfleek even though it’s not applicable to this post?
3. Is #mykidsarethesweetesteverandimsooooolucky really necessary? (The correct answer is always no.)
4. Is this picture blurry, like, at all?
5. Is this post calling attention to myself for the sake of attention?
6. Is this picture of my margherita pizza hot and gooey and beautiful? Or hot and gooey and gross?
7. Have I used two to seven puns in my caption?
8. Will this joke be funny to more than just me and my friend Barb who is currently off frame snorting seltzer?
9. Is this selfie a truly outstanding photo of myself that the world deserves to see because it is entirely unique and in no way like every other selfie I’ve taken? Or is it actually one of hundreds that all look basically the same?
10. Will I look back at this post and be embarrassed?
11. Will my future teenage children look back at this post and be embarrassed?
12. Have I included “oh snap,” “psych” or any other idioms from the 1990s?
13. Is the flash too bright?
14. Is this filter too dark?
15. Is the picture grainy?
16. Is the post mundane? Like of my feet in my un-raked backyard on any given day?
17. Is there, perhaps, another better way to communicate to my friends what I’ve been up to?
18. Could my caption be misconstrued in any way?
19. Is my post political in nature?
20. Is my post religious in nature?
21. Is my post negative in nature?
22. Have I posted a similar picture in the past?
23. Is this post relevant to the date, time, place, season and stage of life that I’m in?
24. Have I included too many emojis?
25. Have I included emojis that don’t apply to this particular picture?
26. If so, is there an appropriate secret meaning behind said misused emojis?
27. Will my aforementioned future teenage children die over that harmless eggplant emoji?
28. Do I have a very hazy grasp on what emojis really mean?