7 Relationship Myths That Need to Go out the Window
Why, yes, it is OK to go to bed angry
Your grandparents always said that they never went to bed angry and they were married for almost 60 years. They’ve gotta know something about making it work, right? Yes, but the whole “solve your problems before going to sleep” thing probably isn’t the only reason they survived the test of time. Read on for that and six other relationship myths you’re better off forgetting.
Myth: You should learn to love your partner's flaws
The truth: Love is a strong word, especially when it comes to the few things about your significant other that you just can’t stand (like, for example, why it's so impossible to rinse the bathroom sink after trimming one's nose hairs). Instead, try accepting his or her shortcomings and learn to shrug them off.
Myth: Never go to bed angry
The truth: As great as it would be to solve your problems before bedtime, some solutions take longer than a few hours. Or a few days. On top of that, if you’re forcing yourselves to come to a resolution before bed, you’re more likely to rush through it and solve the problem on the surface without really addressing the root of the issue. This one depends on the situation, so if it’s a fairly minor issue, go forth. But if you think you’ll be better off in the long run by sleeping on it, reconvene in the a.m.
Myth: Good relationships don't take work
The truth: Unless you’re actual robots, all relationships require some sort of effort, and that’s a good thing. You actually should be working on your relationship, since it (and you both) will change with time. The more work you put into it, the more you get out of it.
Myth: You should be having sex “X” times a week
The truth: Setting random quotas for sex not only turns it into a chore, but it also leads to unnecessary stress if you aren’t doing it as often as you think a healthy couple should be. You also shouldn’t try to mirror your sex life after any of your friends. Everyone’s needs are different and should be treated as such.
Myth: No relationship can survive an affair
The truth: Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? Not necessarily. According to sex expert Dan Savage, “Forgiveness and relationship repair is a long, difficult process but it can result in a marriage that is even better than before. The reality is that many couples survive affairs, sometimes even improving the marriage." Hmm…
Myth: Your partner should know what you need and how you're feeling
The truth: Unless you’re with a mind reader, chances are your innermost feelings are a mystery to others. No matter how attentive and supportive your partner is, you’ve gotta help out from time to time and express what you’re feeling, rather than resenting him or her for not guessing what’s wrong.
Myth: Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship
The truth: A certain amount of conflict is healthy in every relationship. In fact, if a couple says they have absolutely no problems, they’re probably avoiding talking about them, which could mean more trouble down the line. How you argue is what’s important, and often the most successful couples are the ones who argue productively and find mutual solutions to their issues in order to grow in their relationship. Basically, avoid resentment at any cost.