45 Schitt’s Creek Quotes That Will Keep You Saying ‘Ew David’

It feels like just yesterday we binged all six seasons of our favorite CBC comedy, Schitt’s Creek, for the first time. And while we’re quickly approaching the one-year anniversary of the series finale—April 7, 2020, to be exact—we still can’t get enough of those witty one-liners from our favorite members of the Rose family. (There’s a reason the series swept this year’s Emmy Awards.)

From Alexis’s “Ew, Davids” to all of Moira’s “bébés,” keep reading for 45 Schitt’s Creek quotes that will have you ready to re-watch all 43 episodes.

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1. “Never let the bastards get you down!” – Moira

2. “Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist.” – David

3. “I’m incapable of faking sincerity.” – Stevie

4. “Welcome. Hope you're enjoying the cinnamon buns and vodka. We thought it was festive in a Scandinavian sort of way.” – Johnny

5. “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I'm funny and smart and charming.” – Alexis

6. “I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this. Stiff!” – David

7. “Ew, David!” – Alexis

8. “If you’re looking for an ass to kiss, it’s mine.” – Roland

9. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit and falling asleep early. Just a regular weeknight.” – David

10. “You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you.” – Moira

11. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” – Moira

12. “Oh, look at David. Smart enough to get that joke, but not smart enough to stop wearing sweaters in the middle of summer.” – Johnny

13. “We’re drinking to me not becoming an alcoholic.” – Stevie

14. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” – Moira

15. “I don’t skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes.” – Alexis

16. “I haven't bedazzled anything since I was 22.”

17. “Why am I getting booed?” – Johnny

18. “I do drink red wine, but I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to occasionally sample the rose, and a couple summers back I tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay. I like the wine, not the label.” – David

19. “If those bunnies feel exploited even a little bit, I am pulling the plug.” – Ted

20. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” – David

21. “Do I wear my fringed vest? Or, more importantly, do I wear anything under it?” – Patrick

22. “I’m only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.” – Stevie

23. “I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” – David

24. “I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless like you and your sister.” – Moira

25. “Let’s not ruin a meal by talking about the process.” – David

26. “Tweet us on Facebook!” – Johnny

27. “Yeah, no. I know composting. Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange.” – Alexis

28. “Where is bébé’s chamber?” – Moira

29. “I’d really like you to sing at my cousin’s funeral. She’s not dead, but she’s been coughing a lot lately.” — Roland

30. “You know, being approachable isn’t that important anyway, the queen hasn’t smiled since the ’70s, and her birthdays are still very well attended.” – David

31. “David, you have to stop watching Notting Hill. It’s not helpful for our relationship.” – Patrick

32. “I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject. And by subject, I mean genuine human emotion.” – David

33. “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.” – Stevie

34. “I heard that someone wants mozzarella sticks for their birthday. I’m pretty sure that I scraped most of the freezer burn off of those.” – Twyla

35. “I would be pleased to RSVP as pending.” – Moira

36. “What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England, and it was, like, too rainy.” – Alexis

37. “I am suffering romantically right now.” – David

38. “I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content.” – Roland

39. “I wasn’t in rehab; I was at rehab, visiting Stavros.” – Alexis

40. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” – Moira

41. “Oh, I know I don’t have any money, but I need to look like I don’t have money.” – Johnny

42. “We both have the same second favorite color.” – Twyla

43. “I think you already know that I would climb a thousand mountains for you.” – Patrick

44. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” – Moira