45 Schitt’s Creek Quotes That Will Keep You Saying ‘Ew David’

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By Alexandra Hough

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Published Feb 22, 2021

It feels like just yesterday we binged all six seasons of our favorite CBC comedy, Schitt’s Creek, for the first time. And while we’re quickly approaching the one-year anniversary of the series finale—April 7, 2020, to be exact—we still can’t get enough of those witty one-liners from our favorite members of the Rose family. (There’s a reason the series swept this year’s Emmy Awards.)

From Alexis’s “Ew, Davids” to all of Moira’s “bébés,” keep reading for 45 Schitt’s Creek quotes that will have you ready to re-watch all 43 episodes.

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1. “Never let the bastards get you down!” – Moira

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2. “Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist.” – David

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3. “I’m incapable of faking sincerity.” – Stevie

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4. “Welcome. Hope you're enjoying the cinnamon buns and vodka. We thought it was festive in a Scandinavian sort of way.” – Johnny

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5. “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I'm funny and smart and charming.” – Alexis

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6. “I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this. Stiff!” – David

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7. “Ew, David!” – Alexis

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8. “If you’re looking for an ass to kiss, it’s mine.” – Roland

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9. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit and falling asleep early. Just a regular weeknight.” – David

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10. “You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you.” – Moira

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11. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” – Moira

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12. “Oh, look at David. Smart enough to get that joke, but not smart enough to stop wearing sweaters in the middle of summer.” – Johnny

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13. “We’re drinking to me not becoming an alcoholic.” – Stevie

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14. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” – Moira

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15. “I don’t skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes.” – Alexis

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16. “I haven't bedazzled anything since I was 22.”

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17. “Why am I getting booed?” – Johnny

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18. “I do drink red wine, but I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to occasionally sample the rose, and a couple summers back I tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay. I like the wine, not the label.” – David

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19. “If those bunnies feel exploited even a little bit, I am pulling the plug.” – Ted

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20. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” – David

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21. “Do I wear my fringed vest? Or, more importantly, do I wear anything under it?” – Patrick

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22. “I’m only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.” – Stevie

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23. “I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” – David

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24. “I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless like you and your sister.” – Moira

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25. “Let’s not ruin a meal by talking about the process.” – David

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26. “Tweet us on Facebook!” – Johnny

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27. “Yeah, no. I know composting. Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange.” – Alexis

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28. “Where is bébé’s chamber?” – Moira

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29. “I’d really like you to sing at my cousin’s funeral. She’s not dead, but she’s been coughing a lot lately.” — Roland

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30. “You know, being approachable isn’t that important anyway, the queen hasn’t smiled since the ’70s, and her birthdays are still very well attended.” – David

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31. “David, you have to stop watching Notting Hill. It’s not helpful for our relationship.” – Patrick

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32. “I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject. And by subject, I mean genuine human emotion.” – David

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33. “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.” – Stevie

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34. “I heard that someone wants mozzarella sticks for their birthday. I’m pretty sure that I scraped most of the freezer burn off of those.” – Twyla

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35. “I would be pleased to RSVP as pending.” – Moira

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36. “What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England, and it was, like, too rainy.” – Alexis

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37. “I am suffering romantically right now.” – David

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38. “I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content.” – Roland

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39. “I wasn’t in rehab; I was at rehab, visiting Stavros.” – Alexis

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40. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” – Moira

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41. “Oh, I know I don’t have any money, but I need to look like I don’t have money.” – Johnny

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42. “We both have the same second favorite color.” – Twyla

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43. “I think you already know that I would climb a thousand mountains for you.” – Patrick

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44. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” – Moira

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45. “You’re my Mariah Carey.” – Patrick

purewow author

Alexandra Hough