11 Funny Relationship Quotes That Totally Get It

No one said being married for 50 years—or even two—was easy. Here are 11 funny relationship quotes from some our favorite women and the people who love them that actually get it.

10 Valentine Messages That Aren’t Cheesy

funny relationship quotes 1
Victoria Bellafiore

1. “Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon called 50 Shades of Just OK.” —Conan O’Brien

funny relationship quotes 2
Digital Art by Victoria Bellafiore/Getty Images

2. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck

funny relationship quotes 3
Victoria Bellafiore

3. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” —Megan Mullally

funny relationship quotes 4
Digital Art by Victoria Bellafiore/Getty Images

4. “A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” —Dax Shepard

funny relationship quotes 5
Victoria Bellafiore

5. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” —Rodney Dangerfield

funny relationship quotes 6
Victoria Bellafiore

6. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

funny relationship quotes 7
Victoria Bellafiore

7. “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” —Agatha Christie

funny relationship quotes 8
Victoria Bellafiore

8. “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” —Ruth Bader Ginsburg

funny relationship quotes 9
Victoria Bellafiore

9. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.” —Benjamin Franklin

funny relationship quotes 10
Victoria Bellafiore

10. “Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” —Mae West

funny relationship quotes 11
Digital Art by Victoria Bellafiore/Getty Images

11. “I didn’t date much. I moved in with people. Like, hello, I live here now. This is how John ended up in this situation.” —Chrissy Teigen on her marriage to John Legend

purewow author
Ariel Scotti


From 2019-2020 Ariel Scotti held the role of Editor at PureWow covering trends, wellness and more.
read full bio