After three months of getting drinks on Thursday, stealing his sweatshirt on Saturday and hoping for more from him on Monday, you’re ready to have the “what are we” talk. Presumably, this comes on the heels of him telling you, “Let’s just see where things go.” At the time, you probably agreed to this (casually dating without a label, that is). But now, whether it’s been weeks or months, you’ve become possessed by the fantasy that he’ll turn around and ask you to be his girlfriend.
The problem? Your relationship is solely dictated by him, his timing, his wants. While you might be envisioning a silk wedding gown and a honeymoon in Bali, he’s still in the phase of “getting to know you.” (Translation: he’s keeping his options open.) Instead of holding out for him and taking things on his timeline, I have another idea in mind:
Stop asking, “What are we?”
First and foremost, asking someone, “what are we?” is a one-way ticket to giving away your power. It allows the other person to dictate what you mean to each other with virtually zero recognition of what you want or how you’re feeling. Plus, if he comes back with anything other than, “I want you to be my girlfriend,” you’re probably going to leave feeling even more confused than you were before. In that sense, this age-old question is really about seeking validation through the promise of exclusivity—and it has little to do with you or your connection. What’s more, you could risk placing an ultimatum on the relationship before it’s had time to develop. Still, before you try to push for commitment, you want to make sure you’re not projecting unrealistic expectations. So what should you do instead?