15 Epic Dollyisms to Celebrate Dolly Partons 71st Birthday
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In honor of the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter, Oscar/Emmy/Tony-nominated actress (yes, EGOT status), philanthropist extraordinaire and godmother to Miley Cyrus, here are 15 of the greatest quotes from the “Dolly Lama” herself.

Parton us while we attempt to recreate a pristine, ten-foot bouffant. 

1. “My weaknesses have always been food and men—in that order.”

2. “I was the first woman to burn my bra—it took the fire department four days to put it out.”

3. “It’s hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world.”

4. “If I see something saggin’, baggin’ or draggin’, I'm gone have it nipped, tucked or sucked!”

5. “I’m not offended by all of the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb...and I also know that I’m not blonde.”

6. “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

7. “I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.”

8. “If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them’s fightin’ words.”

9. “People say I look so happy—and I say, ‘That’s the Botox.’”

10. “I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”

11. “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.”

12. “I’m old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I’d tell them where to put it.”

13. “Me jumpin’ up and down? I’d blacken both my eyes!”

14. “I don’t kiss nobody’s butt.”

15. “I wish you joy and happiness. But above all of this, I wish you love.”

We will always love you, Dolly.

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