The 7 Most Annoying People in Yoga Class

These people need to go with the flow

One great lesson of yoga: Go with the flow. And we try. (Oh, how we try.) But in yoga, as in life, some things make it hard to find serenity. Like other students who make weird moaning noises. Or teachers who make unfunny jokes. So, fess up, Chicago yogis: Which of these people have made you want to bolt from the studio without saying namaste?

The Moaner

Not to bemoan, but there’s one of these in every class. The teacher says: “Set your intention.” The moaner quietly says: “Mm.” The teacher says: “Cactus your arms.” The moaner emphatically states: “MM.” On and on it goes, until child’s pose. When you’re distracted. (Because of the moans.)

The Dragon Breather

We get it. Yoga is breath, and breathe a good yogi must. But is it necessary to breathe so loudly that you severely distract your neighbor? And make people wonder if you’re in pain? Mull that over. While breathing quietly.

The Space Hog

News flash: Yoga can get crowded. So it’s probably not the best idea to sit spread eagle on your mat before class begins, reading a newspaper, with iced tea to your left and two blocks strewn to your right. (This woman exists. She’s in our 9 a.m. class on the daily.)

The Maverick

Want to add a half moon to your Sun A? Cool. But if you’re not planning to follow a sequence at all, it’s best to practice at home. This one goes out to the guy who grunts with exertion as he attempts crow pose--during half pigeon.

The Towel Rebel

We’re surprised some people need this reminder, but, um, some do. Hot yoga gets really hot, and you’re going to sweat a lot. Which is great--and, hey, detoxifying--but please remember to bring a towel. Lest you leave a puddle behind when class is over. We’ve stepped in one such puddle. #unpleasant

The Overeager Stretcher

It’s cool if you want to warm up a little. But yoga is not a marathon. So it’s always mildly disconcerting (and oddly annoying) to see someone doing deep lunges and other vigorous stretches before class begins. Relax and trust the process, people.

The Stand-up Comic Teacher

It’s not only students who commit annoying sins. Yoga teachers can be superb--or kind of annoying. One type to avoid: the instructor who likes to bring her “wit” to class, then asks you why you’re so serious and not smiling. Um, because I’m trying to balance on one leg, lady? But you’d probably kill at Second City.