3 Ways to Deal If You’re Married to a Pisces
According to one astrology expert, the symbol for Pisces—two fish swimming in opposite directions—represents “the constant division of Pisces's attention between fantasy and reality.” As if that weren’t already potentially crazifying, these wishy-washy fish folks (born February 19 to March 20) are so intensely sensitive, empathetic, creative and dreamy, they can easily wallow—if not drown—in emotions. They also have a rep for being “flaky and delusional.” If this sounds like anyone you know (*cough* the poet you dated/supported in college, the guy whose bass player slept on your couch for two years, the husband who’s still working on his PhD dissertation on expatriate literature), here are tips for how to handle him, now that you’ve reeled him in.
If you’re married to a dreamer…
Perhaps what seems like a rock solid plan to him (sell the novel, get it optioned for a movie, retire at 40) reads like a delusion to you. Maybe he insists his start-up is just one Shark Tank pitch away from being the next Uber while driving you full-speed into debt. But then again, maybe he’s right. Here’s where falling for someone with artistic talent and an entrepreneurial spirit gets tricky. Well, since you’ve been cast in the role of “the practical one,” why not act the part? It goes against popular advice, sure, but consider separating your finances, or at least creating a savings account all your own, so your credit score doesn’t tank if his business does. Some entrepreneurial couples also get serious about religiously scheduling downtime and togetherness to connect and communicate. Remind him—directly and openly, without anger—that being with you is supposed to be part of the dream.
If you’re married to Mr. Sensitive…
You love him because he is about as far from a stereotypical dude-bro as you are. But you looked over at him during this Superbowl commercial, and only one of you was crying. Pisces’s empath tendencies are often at odds with societal definitions of “manliness,” so this is where good communication—and your own sensitivity—comes in to play. Plenty of adults compartmentalize as a coping mechanism. The key to being tethered to a sensitive compartmentalizer is to start talking—about feelings, stress, gratitude—and just don’t stop (like, ever). Explains relationship expert Shaunti Feldhahn: “For most of us as women, feeling inadequate is unpleasant. For most men it is excruciating. It hurts more than anything else ever can.” Let him know he’s safe with you. That you will give him time and space to (over)think about things. And that he’s still your hero—especially if he cries at this one.
If you’re married to a gigantic flake
He’s lovely and amazing. But if he forgets one more parent-teacher conference, you’re pretty sure the assistant principal is going to call Laura Wasser on your behalf. Find it in your heart to forgive. And then find a shared calendar app, key-, wallet- and phone-tracking device and your own means of achieving sanity. Prioritize his to-do list with the top three items that matter most to you, program your anniversary into his iCal and let the rest fall away. Manage your expectations and raise your tolerance—but put a cap on how much you’re willing to compensate for his “free-spiritedness.” “Relationships are like seesaws,” relationship expert Michelle Weiner-Davis tells Psychology Today. “Flakes tend to marry organized types... If you always pick up the dirty towels, the task is your sole provenance. But if you resign from your role, the towels may pile up, and your partner may start pulling his weight.” Stay positive. Focus on what he brings to the table—warmth, a twisted sense of humor, flowers for no reason—and try to accept the fact that he will always, always forget to clear it.