“I’m a big texter. I like to share my thoughts on news, vent about work and just have a little light banter. It helps me get through the day. But my long-term boyfriend is not a texter and literally goes hours without texting me back. He was a lot better early in our relationship, but it’s been a few years, and he’s no longer as communicative. It bothers me a lot, but I can’t tell what a reasonable amount of communication is. He insists what we had was too much. What’s the answer?”
This is actually a very common problem in relationships. Why? Probably because our standards for communication are often set in the dating phase when things are new and exciting and you have a lot to learn about each other. For lots of folks, once you settle into a relationship, get into a routine and even move in together, there’s less urgency.
When communication in a relationship evolves and our expectations don’t, there’s a dissonance, and to resolve it, we need to check in with ourselves and our partner. But before you get to that, here’s a general guideline for how communication tends to ebb and flow throughout a relationship. Read on, and try to point to where you might land.