Hmbldt

4 Ways to Meditate When You Can’t Turn Your Brain Off

Tired of feeling so tense and tired, but even more tired of your holier-than-thou wellness-obsessed friends nagging you about meditating? Here’s a gentle suggestion—it’s possible they’re right, but you just haven’t found the “in” you need to start your life of Buddha-bliss-on-earth. We’ve assembled some unusual ways to manipulate yourself into meditating, because you’re worth it. 

RELATED: Does Crystal Healing Really Work? I Tried It to Find Out

Buy A Pretty Cushion

More than once we’ve chided ourselves for shelling out more than $150 on a gorgeous Indian hand-block-print zafu (the round cushion you sit on) and zabuton (the square cushion that sits under you on your zafu; it protects your knees and legs). We feel so guilty, it actually motivates us to meditate. Yay, consumerism meets spirituality.

Den Meditation

Experience A Sound Bath

Communal meditation jump-starts your practice, but we know—it can feel creepy to sit on the floor with your eyes closed in a room full of strangers. That awkwardness goes away in a sound bath, in which large gemstone and crystal bowls, chimes and gongs are struck or vibrated to create gentle tones specially sequenced to do everything from loosen your muscles to cleanse electro-magnetic frequencies generated by constant cell phone usage. Try the Saturday night sound baths at Den Meditation, where busy-busy Angelenos lie down and let go.

Twenty20

Have An Orgasm

Physical pleasure and meditation: two great tastes that taste great together? That’s the idea behind orgasmic meditation, a practice where a partner, um, manually stimulates you for 15 minutes. According to its boosters at Onetaste, the company that teaches the practice, it’s supposed to enable you to feel greater connection, empathy and generosity. Think of it this way: After investigating the practice during a day-long workshop in Venice, you’ll either have an exciting new spiritual practice or one heck of a cocktail party story.

dosist

Take a Therapeutic Inhale

Feel too keyed up to sit down and breathe deeply? Avail yourself of the glam dosist dose pen and its cannabis calm formula—the low-THC and high-CBD formula means you’ll be more relaxed than euphoric, so you can settle down without fear of being too woozy.

RELATED: 5 Sleep Aids That Will Relax You Faster Than an NPR Broadcast