13 Things All Moms Are Prepared For at All Times
Multitasking is your middle name
Motherhood may be your most important job, but thanks to your new life of backseat diaper changes and 3 a.m. wakeup calls, there are tons more things you could do in your sleep. (If you slept, that is.)
You are now prepared for...
1. Navy Seal training camp. Sleep deprivation? Check. Standing for hours on end with a 22-pound weight balanced on your left hip? Check. Negotiating with an uncompromising (if pint-sized) terrorist? Check.
2. Serving a three-course meal...out of your purse. You never travel without at least two juice boxes, a baggie of Cheerios and a pouch of organic pureed pumpkin-yam (which is effing delicious if we're being real).
3. Putting on a true five-minute face. Remember the days when you spent half an hour perfecting a cat eye? Yeah…your routine is now concealer-blush-mascara-DONE. And you’re kind of on board with this not-washing-your-hair trend.
4. Being a CEO. You oversee the schedules, talent development, healthcare and general productivity of three humans, two cats and several hermit crabs. And that’s before you leave for work.
5. Giving guided tours. You know--and are psyched to share--the location of every firehouse, museum, clean public bathroom, kid-friendly restaurant and jungle gym within a 15-mile radius.
6. Teaching a yoga class. Or at least looking like you could--thanks to your ever-present athleisure wardrobe.
7. Art directing a photo shoot. A little to the left… smile… smile… BEAUTIFUL… now take that crayon out of your mouth.
8. Starting a band. Your pipes haven’t had this much of a workout since eighth-grade chorus. And your “Wheels on the Bus” crescendo is tight.
9. Being a pediatric resident. So maybe you can’t write scrips--but you can diagnose a fever before your fingers touch a forehead. Also, see aforementioned sleep deprivation.
10. Running a smoothie bar. You know the perfect proportions of mango, kale and avocado--and how to clean it off of just about any surface.
11. A career in waste management. Speaking of cleaning, nothing is too gross for you these days. Urine, poop, spit-up bits of ham and peas…bring it, baby!
12. Being a psychic. You didn't need a crystal ball to know she was going to spew broccoli all over the bedspread.
13. Becoming a superhero. You just caught a toddler tumbling off the ottoman while thwarting a preschooler from turning on the oven. And you cleaned up the damn broccoli-barf to boot. Your move, Bruce Wayne.