These Are the 7 Types of Bridesmaids in Every Wedding Party
Bridal parties are always host to a colorful cast of characters. But isn’t this melting pot of ragtag loved ones half the fun of it? Here, the seven types of bridesmaids you’ll find in (almost) every wedding party.
The Debbie Downer
This maid hates the strapless bridesmaid dresses, and even after she spent “$4 million dollars” getting it tailored and adding straps, she still thinks her arms “look like sausages.” Oh, and don’t get her started on the bachelorette weekend: “Really? Charleston?” Yes, she’s a pain, but once she gets a glass of wine in hand, you notice she stops complaining (that is, after she tells you the wine sucks).
The Wedding Planner That Nobody Hired
She works in pharmaceutical marketing, but she considers herself the de facto wedding planner, offering unsolicited advice on everything from whether the mini tacos are a good idea to what height the floral arrangements should be. In a bind—whether someone needs a tampon or a Xanax—she pulls out her purse, which seriously puts Mary Poppins’s to shame. So maybe she kinda is your wedding planner?
The Bachelorette Who’s Convinced She’ll Die Alone
Sure, almost all of the other maids are single, but this one signs every email in the bachelorette party thread “Singly yours.” She even wrapped up her lovely rehearsal dinner toast by assuring the crowd, “Don’t worry, I have my cats.” Girl, we won’t worry because we all know the truth is that she won’t be wallowing in self-pity at the wedding—she’ll be flirting shamelessly with the groom’s 22-year-old cousin. Let’s just hope she doesn’t drop a cat line.
The One Who Just Wants To Party with a Penis Necklace
There’s always one person who’s a little too into the penis decor, and it’s this gal. She’s the one who orders the stripper—and insisted on it in the first place—because they “know her.” Even though she starts off the night trying to get the bride to take one too many shots, she’s ironically the first one to pass out before the fun starts—of course, decked out in all the penis gear. Bless her party-hungry heart.
The Social Media Strategist
This maid has the singular mission of convincing everyone’s extended social networks that this is going to be the Best. Wedding. Ever. She coined the wedding hashtag and is ruthless when it comes to asking strangers to snap group shots at every opportunity. While she’s somewhat of an embarrassment in public, she’s also a master of skinny arm tutorials and getting your best angle. Everyone will be thankful for the paper trail (iPhone trail?) of memories when all is said and done.
The Cousin No One’s Ever Met Before
At first you can't really tell what the deal is with this mysterious member of the party (from the groom's side, natch). But then she mentions her probation officer and start-up idea (Uber but for plant sitting) in the same sentence and you know you've found yourself the classic wildcard. There's a 50/50 chance she'll try something illegal before this wedding goes off, so the squad would do well to keep her fed and rested.
The Literal Godsend
Thank goodness there’s one maid with her head on her shoulders. Cool as a cucumber and down with anything, she’s the calm, sane and organized presence in the heart of the wedding thunderdome. This pal has taken it upon herself to do all the bridesmaid wrangling so that the bride doesn’t have to, and probably cemented herself favorite friend status in the process.