5 Fights All Engaged Couples Have (and How to Resolve Them)
Yay, you’re engaged! Cue the pre-marital stress. It’s not that you don’t love each other the most, it’s just that haggling over head counts and steadily increasing flower budgets is enough to put any couple over the edge. Here, five fights that all engaged couples have…and how to resolve them with your relationship intact.
The Guest List
Your goal is to keep the wedding intimate and small. But your fiancée has 11 second cousins that her parents say she has to invite. Negotiating head counts—and answering to family expectations—is one of the most stressful parts of the planning process.
The solution: To minimize arguments, cross-check your guest list numbers with the capacities of the venues you like the most first. Because if fire code laws say the adorable barn at the center of town can fit 100 people tops, your mother-in-law will just have to deal.
Breaking news: Modern couples don’t necessarily get married where the bride grew up. This introduces a whole new set of location negotiations to wedding planning. (For example: You had no idea he envisioned a vineyard. You always wanted a city wedding.)
The solution: Cost and head count are still going to be the biggest factors when it comes to venue decisions. Finalize your budget first, then sit down—just the two of you—and plan to each pitch a couple ideas and to keep an open mind.
Weird Things You Had No Idea He Cared About
Yay, you finally found the venue of your dreams, but the dance floor is smallerthan average, and unbeknownst to you, your hubby-to-be says it's a deal breaker. (He always envisioned a massive dance party with room for a conga line…um what?)
The solution: Again, the trick is to hear each other out, then prioritize. (We’re sure you have a deal breaker or two up your sleeve.) Sure, you’ll have to compromise, but if you each come to the table with a short list of must-have wedding features, you’re on the same page from the get-go. (Read: Arguments averted.)
No matter how much your family is chipping in, money makes things complicated—and this is probably the biggest financial investment the two of you have made together thus far.
The solution: The bottom line: take a hard look at the numbers and do your best to plot out every expense. This simple tool can help you get a grasp on everything from the flowers and photographer to the bridal party gifts and the transportation fees. It never hurts to add a “miscellaneous” budget line that the two of you can tap into—and take the pressure off—should costs suddenly appear or increase.
Your brain is in planning mode 24/7, even though the wedding is still 13 months off.
The solution: Designate wedding-free conversation zones (like Friday night date night or Sundays) so that the two of you can continue to nurture your relationship without venting about the caterer or narrowing down color schemes.