The weekend. The beach. The rosé. You’re almost there. But first: three hours in L.I.E. traffic inside a bus filled with fighting couples, chatty share-house renters and…is that Marc Jacobs?

The Hamptons Jitney is a New York institution.

These are the seven people you know you’ve seen on it.

jitney personalities 1

The Space Invader

We get it: She does Bikram. But there’s no need to contort her body into some kind of pretzel situation to sleep across two seats, while her stack of ill-packed weekenders takes up all the floor space. Does she not know that basic rules of humanity (and overhead bins) exist?

jitney personalities 2

The Celebrity

True story: We once sat across from Marc Jacobs. #onlyinthehamptons

jitney personalities 3

The Ridiculous Couple

You think their public makeout sesh is bad? Wait till they start fighting.

jitney personalities 4

The Share-House Group

“Soooo…he didn’t call me, and I was like, ‘Ugh, over it!’ And he was like, ‘But I Snapchatted you!’ And I was like, ‘No way, I saw you on Instagram.’ Whatever. It’s fine. I’ll find him at Surf Lodge.” Surely, someone on this thing has a Percocet….

jitney personalities 5

The Workaholic

That whole “Always Be Closing” mantra does not apply to public transportation. Too bad no one sent this guy that memo. He’s either (illegally) screaming at some assistant on his cell or manically typing away on his laptop. One way or another, you’re cursing the entire banking industry.

jitney personalities 6

The Rule Breaker

The Jitney is notoriously slammed in the summer, which is why reservations are key. It’s also why there’s a unique kind of blackout rage reserved for those who board without one--and somehow bump you to the next bus that isn’t leaving for another hour.

jitney personalities 7

The Old Dude Reading “The Times”

Our advice: Do whatever you can to sit next to this guy. He keeps to himself and (let’s be real) will most likely get off in Westhampton. Score.

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