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Nothing ruins a trip to Paris like getting your passport, wallet, phone and car keys stolen. (Seriously? What’s Monsieur LeThief going to do with the keys to your Honda?)

Keep your stuff safe and pickpocket-protected with these 13 precautions.

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Keep an eye on your stuff at airport security. Put things like your purse and laptop through the machine last, so that they go through at the same time you do.

Then, when you’re on the plane, store valuables on your body (a great time for bra stashing) or sleep with your arms around your bag.

And please don’t stow anything of value in the seat pocket. Lookin’ at you, sunglasses.

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When you get to the hotel, lock up your passport and the bulk of your cash in the safe--after making a photocopy of your passport to keep in your wallet.

Then, every morning, just pack what you need for the day, and leave the rest back in the hotel.

If your hotel doesn’t have a safe, hide your important docs in a super-random place, like inside your dirty laundry bag.

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Out and about? Two words: money belt.

But if you’re dead-set on a bag, try a cross-body worn close, and have one hand on it at all times.

Or better yet, divide money and credit cards between your bag, inside pockets and money belt.

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Store small jewelry inside empty bottles and jars.

Or contact lens cases.

Or tampon applicators. You’re so OITNB.

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And last but not least, don’t be a moron about your phone.

By which we mean: Unless you absolutely need it, put it away, in a zippered pocket.

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