16 Things You Should Never, Ever Google
Stop with the symptoms already
Don't get us wrong: Google is magic. Conversions? Definitions? Flights? That one pair of jeans you saw in a store somewhere two years ago that you forgot about until just now? Done, done, done and done. But some searches are better left to the ethers. Here, 16 things you should definitely leave to the professionals (or your mother).
1. Medical symptoms. This is the result every time: You've got an untreatable disease of the rarest form. Here are 800 images of cystic boils to click through while you're at it.
2. Ex-boyfriends. Really? What are you hoping to find out? That he misses you terribly and keeps a blog listing all the mistakes he made during your relationship?
3. Salaries of your friends' jobs. If they'd like to disclose that information to you, fine. But digging for it (and, worse, discovering what it is) is just asking for trouble the next time you have that third glass of wine.
4. TV show plots. Unless you're into ruining everything for yourself, in which case, be our guest. (Just, please, never tweet it.)
5. Anything related to the Kardashians. Get your fix in the grocery checkout line instead of while procrastinating at your computer.
6. Anything followed by "urban dictionary." It ain't gonna be pretty.
7. Memes. Where time goes to die.
8. Local movie theater times. Always wrong.
9. Calories of foods you're about to or already have consumed. Always disappointing.
10. Online movies to download. Unless you're paying for them via a secure site you can trust, you will get a virus. End of story.
11. The price of something you already purchased. It definitely just went on sale.
12. Prices of things you'll never buy. Do you really need to know how much those Dolce & Gabbana gold-encrusted headphones are?
13. Gifts ideas for important people. Types in Google: "Dad who likes golf." Double bogey.
14. Ratings of restaurants you've always wanted to try. There's always that one guy who just hates chicken. And maybe life.
15. Questions of self-discovery. "Is it normal to want to try dating apps?" Google is not your therapist. (Or your mother.)
16. Physical impossibilities. Sure, you'll get a few hundred pages of results for "how to lose 8 pounds in a day." But is it really the best use of your time? Even the Kardashians are a better choice.