“Facebook is a wonderful place for considerate, balanced, adult conversations,” said no one, ever.
Here, 11 people who are monopolizing your feed.
1. The humble bragger
We get it: It’s really annoying when guys hit on you when you’re just trying to use the elliptical machine in peace.
2. The incessant status updater
Heading to the Price Chopper.
At the Price Chopper.
The lines at Price Chopper today!!
UGH, forgot to buy milk.
3. The depressive
She’s either the gal who has a lot to say about Lord Wiskerton’s mounting vet bills or the one who cryptically posts “Jesus, Take the Wheel” lyrics, fishing for someone, anyone to ask if she’s okay. Um...like??
4. The people who have only good things happening
You got a new job?! You got married?! Your novel got picked for Oprah’s book club?! [Gritted-teeth emoji.]
5. The guy who uses Facebook to launch his brand
Listen: DJ SpookyVibes is playing six shows in Tacoma and it would really mean a lot to him if you could say you’re going… or at least like the post… or maybe share with all your followers... or hashtag #SpOOkyVibez15.
6. The Momzilla
She only breaks from posting pictures of Ashton and Brierley to ask questions about poop color and breast-milk storage. Is also known to link to articles about the “absurd state of American maternity leave” and “why young boys need strong female role models.”
7. The Activist
Gay marriage. Guns. The Clintons. The Trumps. Whichever side this dude’s on--his default is full-on screamo mode.
8. The person who can’t spell--and doesn’t care
Your never gonna get anywear by pointing out there grammer whoas.
9. The meme-a-holic
10. The high school sweethearts
Who won’t stop reminding you they’re married. Is it just us or are the “I love you”s on each other’s walls kind of a cry for help?
11. Your Great Aunt Sylvia
WHY IS EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS? SHOULD I TURN OFF THE MACHINE? MERYL, HELP.