‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 13: Lay Off My Wedding Crest

For the first time in Housewives history, the women all agree on one thing: They love the Grace Mayflower Inn and Spa and its ginormous crystals (I believe it was Luann who once said, “I love my crystals like I like my men, with a ginormous phallus”).

But look, I’m just not seeing what these ladies are seeing. That white room they all loved? What does one call that aesthetic? Haunted house renovation chic? The Beauty and the Beast castle before (SPOILER ALERT) Belle tells the Beast she loves him?

The rest of the lodgings are grand yet quaint. It’s kinda like taking an audio tour through the Abraham Lincoln home and pressing #43 to listen about how exquisite the porcelain chamber pot is. Yeah, it’s great…for 1853? And that’s why there just has to be some sort of methane gas leak in the house making them all a little cuckoo crazier than usual. Or maybe there’s something in the after-dinner digestif? These ladies were one laced banana bread slice away from not getting in the cars to leave and just moving in forever to serve whatever WASP spirit is running the show at the Grace Mayflower.

Unfortunately, there were also many things the ’wives did not agree on. Bethenny did not agree with Tinsley’s faux wedding dress shopping. Dorinda did not agree with Sonja’s use of her “family” crest. Lu did not agree with Ramona’s Insta post, and I did not agree with Carol’s new testimonial look—a sort of dull Mia Farrow haircut and color with that dress your hot Aunt Barb wore to your bat mitzvah. (And also, Dorinda’s look the past few eps has been very Caroline-Manzo-fell-into-the-washing-machine.)

The Bethenny and Tinsley thing is cut-and-dried. Bethenny was “joking,” but we can all see right through her—she’s picking on the girl who stole her best friend. Because let’s be honest: Tinsley not trying on wedding dresses with her mother while crying at photos of her frozen eggs would be SO MUCH WEIRDER than her doing anything else. Seriously, test it out: Tinsley doing laundry? WEIRD. Tinsley making meatballs? WEIRD. Tinsley going to the Apple store? WEIRD. Tinsley trying on wedding dresses and crying at photos of her frozen eggs? AHHH, SO MUCH BETTER.

As for Dorinda, the methane leak is really bringing out the Jekyll and Hyde in her. Going nuts on an innocent Sonja at dinner, leaving the room, and coming back to tell her how proud she is of her and her progress? She’s like the Oracle of Delphi—making prophecies while stupidly high on gas. And then she tries to mend the Ramona/Lu problem as if she’s their high school guidance counselor. Dorinda is projecting this “tough love mother” attitude on everyone, but it’s very clear she needs to work on herself re: drinking, Richard and John.

Finally, there’s the Lu and Ramona thing. Ramona posted a picture of Luann with the gals to Instagram causing a stir in the tabloids that Lu is back from rehab. Ramona refuses to apologize, claiming she did absolutely nothing wrong until Bethenny phrases the situation with slightly different syntax and the realization washes over her. Ohhhhh. Yeah, that would be an issue. Ramona is a walking gas leak and a terrible person. She’s the type of woman who literally says, “I always like sitting in the middle. Isn’t that strange?” No, Ramona. Everyone likes sitting in the middle. It’s obnoxious that you think you can manipulate us into thinking you’re the martyr for getting to sit in the center. Lu is strong though. She can handle this breakdown. That’s what the giant gong around her neck is for, to deflect negative energy.

But it’s Sonja who said the most cogent maxim of this episode amid Dorinda’s attack, “We have two totally different lives if you ask me.”

You all have very different lives. Let Tinsley try on her wedding dresses. Let Sonja brand her butt with that family crest if she wants to. It’s each woman’s very heavy gong necklace to bear.