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There are two types of people: those who love winter, and everyone else. To the latter, we’re sorry to inform you that winter 2018 is about to be a doozy (or so we hear).

Our source? The ever-trusty Farmers’ Almanac, which has been predicting the seasons with its hush-hush methodology for 200 years. The periodical uses a combination of factors (i.e., sunspots, tidal action and planetary positions) to tell us whether or not to batten down the hatches in each of its seven U.S. climate zones—and this year, it says we should. If “teeth-chattering” isn't descriptive enough, allow us to interpret (as expert meteorologists, you know).

farmers almanac winter forecast
Courtesy of the Farmers' Almanac

Zone 1: Northeast and New England
If you live in New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland or Washington, D.C., expect “cold and white” weather. (Snow day, perhaps?)

Zone 2: Great Lakes, Ohio Valley and Midwest
For anyone who calls Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois or Wisconsin home, “biting cold” and “snowy” weather are in the forecast. This seems in order.

Zone 3: Southeast
Those in Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Florida will likely see “near normal temperatures” (yes!) but overall “wet”weather (boo).

Zone 4: North Central
It’s “teeth-chattering cold” and “plentiful snow” for Missouri, Iowa, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming and Montana.

Zone 5: South Central
“Stinging cold” but average precipitation in Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico. (You win some, you lose some.)

Zone 6: Northwest
Washington, Oregon and Idaho will get “typical winter temperatures” but it’ll be “wet.”

Zone 7: Southwest
Mild temperatures and average precipitation in California, Nevada, Utah and Arizona—we're moving there.

RELATED: The 67 Best Winter Coats You Can Buy Right This Second

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