Dish duty causes more relationship distress than any other household task. This we know. But what if you can't help but keep a running tally of exactly who did what household chores and when? (Yikes, not your finest moment.)
There's a name for what you're doing: It's called 'chorekeeping' and it's when you (or your spouse) keep a mental record of how many loads of laundry you washed or how many bags of trash you took out for the sake of going tit for tat later on. (For example, "I did six loads of laundry this weekend." "But I walked the dog every day last week.")
The goal: to prove to your partner just how much you're contributing by keeping score on the chores. The flaw: Forgetting—oops—you're both on the same team.
Yes, you have similar time constraints. Yes, you have different priorities at different times. But it's a fact of life that there are some days where one of you is going to do more than the other on the household front.
Don't get us wrong, it can't be 80/20 all of the time, but it *is* an ebb and flow—and one that you have to trust will even out over time. (You could also try a more tactical solution like setting up a chore calendar or divvying up chore assignments—i.e. dishes are your thing, laundry is his thing.)
Does it feel amazing (and validating) to remind your partner about the hours you spent hand-scrubbing the bathroom floor—something you both benefit from even though you did all the work? Sure. But is it better for your relationship to look at the big picture and champion the effort you made together to keep the house in order and spare yourself the age-old couple fight about cleaning? Absolutely.