‘Bachelorette’ Recap: Ellen DeGeneres, a Garbage Clown and Mud Wrestling
ABC

He’s baaackkk! Last week on episode two, Rachel Lindsay sent DeMario home following a confrontation with his ex-girlfriend Lexi. In episode three last night, DeMario returns to the mansion and begs Lindsay for forgiveness. Sorry, sucka, this is season 13. She’s there to find love, not a loser.

After Lindsay gives DeMario the boot (shakes head), the remaining gaggle of men head back to the mansion and prepare for the rose ceremony. The first item on Blake’s to-do list is to throw Whaboom aka Lucas under the bus. He pulls Lindsay aside and reiterates that his arch nemesis Lucas is “not here for the right reasons” and just wants to be on TV. Wow, sooo original, Blake, like we haven’t heard that one before. Ever the truth seeker, Lindsay confronts Lucas. He whabooms past the question and makes up some cockamamie story about Blake enjoying a banana while watching Lucas slumber. WTF is right.

At the rose ceremony, Lindsay bids adieu to Jamey, Blake and (surprise, surprise) Lucas. Jamey says goodbye like a grown man while the other two buffoons use their confessional time to trash talk each other. Lame insults, cursing and microphone rustling ensue.

Three losers lighter, Lindsay, Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will and Fred swing by The Ellen DeGeneres Show for a group date, where they have a Magic Mike dance party and play an eighth-grade game of “Never Have I Ever.” Key takeaways: Alex fancies the Bachelor pool as a toilet; Fred admits Lindsay is his ultimate Mrs. Robinson; and Will, Peter and Bryan are proud members of the “I’ve Kissed Rachel Lindsay” club.

Later, Fred finally scores his first kiss with Lindsay, but she can’t move past viewing him as her former eight-year-old boy camper and, hence, feeling like a pedophile.

Next, Anthony scores the one-on-one date, and they ride off on horseback into the blingy Rodeo Drive sunset. They purchase cowboy boots, a belt buckle, hats and jackets and stop for a nosh at the famous Sprinkles cupcake vending machine.

Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack and Eric score the final date card. They join Lindsay and former Bachelor season 21 contestants Raven, Corinne, Jasmine and Alexis on a party bus to hit L.A.’s finest country-themed bar. The men are instructed to strip down because they’ll be mud wrestling each other. Yes, seriously.

Eric, Bryce and Lee engage in a lovers’ quarrel fueled by rumors, jealousy and ego, but Eric reigns victorious and takes home the group date rose.

Amid the cocktail party, even more Eric drama ensues, which leads us to the ominous "to be continued..."

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