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The pre-recession, early 2000s were a remarkable time in American architecture. And by remarkable, we mean super-sized, shoddily crafted and utterly puzzling from a design perspective. With these behemoth homes officially on the outs, we decided to celebrate by rounding up the ten most prevalent and thoroughly perplexing McMansion offenses of all time. Read ’em and weep, guys.

RELATED: 11 Things Real Women Wish They Knew Before  Selling Their House

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Downright Enormous Roofs

When the majority of your home’s silhouette (50 percent and upward) is comprised of gabled roofing, you know your builder was having a tough time of it.

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Smorgasbord Window Situations

Even more striking than the diversity of window shapes found in your average McMansion is the seeming inability to stack or space them symmetrically. (Thirty eight different windows on a back facade is in fact too many, folks.) 

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Mock Turrets

Nothing says opulence quite like adding a castle-like turret to your house in Des Moines.

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Trulia

Structurally Unsound Balconies

A Juliet balcony sounds like a great idea…until you realize it’s six-inches deep and is basically a lawsuit waiting to happen.

 

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“Nooks” and “Cubbies”

Oh great. The perfect spot for my twin bed and five pillows of descending size. 

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Columns, Columns, Everywhere

Great bastion of wealth and prominence. Except when made of foam and placed in truly random spots to support nothing at all.

 

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Trulia

Driveways in Place Of Yards

They paved paradise…

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Trulia

Fake Out “Shutters”

That are probably made out of vinyl and don’t even begin to fit the windows they’re meant to be shuttering.

 

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Wall-Flush and Amputated Balustrades

We’re guessing this wrought iron here isn’t actually wrought at all. Related: How on earth are we supposed to get a grip on this thing?

 

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Beige On Taupe On Beige

Say what you want about this color scheme being used across tiles, walls and carpeting, but back in the day, bland really was the new black.

Disclaimer: This post was inspired by the satiric blog McMansion Hell. (Head on over for snarky lessons in architecture and more things McMansion.) 

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