Horsepower? Torque? MPG? Subwoofer? With all the overwhelming information to consider, why not let the stars guide the next car you get? Hey, they’ve helped us narrow down our options for footwear and residential stomping grounds. Allowing the heavens to drive our choices as consumers? Sometimes that’s just how you gotta roll.
The Best Car for Your Zodiac Sign
Aquarius (january 21 – February 19)
Forward-Thinking Tesla Model S
You’re humanitarian, independent, intellectual and slightly emotionally detached (kind of like—we imagine—Leo DiCaprio himself). So you see the world’s problems with clear eyes, and you intend to do something about them, starting with your vehicle selection. Teslas—with their electric motors and medical-grade air filtration systems that remove “99.97% of particulate exhaust pollution and effectively all allergens, bacteria and other contaminants from cabin air”—are the future, as far as you and Elon are concerned. You plan to put at least $68K where your values are.
Pisces (february 20 - March 20)
Imaginative, sensitive and idealistic, you revel in your rich, escapist fantasy life. Welp, if there was ever a car built for daydreaming, it’s the VW bus. The iconic hippie-mobile is about to get reincarnated as an electric mini model and will be ready for retail by 2022. With your selfless ways, we’re sure you’ll pick up plenty of passengers.
Aries (march 21 - April 20)
Zippy Mazda Miata
Adventurous, energetic, courageous and a bit of a daredevil, you were the first of your friends to drive at night (even when you only had your learner’s permit—shh!), and you always feel invigorated with the top down on the open road. Just watch that impatience and impulsivity in traffic, Aries; one woman’s empowerment is another’s road rage.
Taurus (april 21 - May 21)
Patient, reliable, warmhearted and security loving, you’ll delight at the news that the Volvo XC60 is the safest car in the world. It’s a roomy family SUV with front and side airbags, and a state-of-the-art automatic emergency braking system that helped it earn a record-setting 87 percent on child safety metrics. Plus, its buttery soft, ergonomically-designed leather seats appeal to your self-indulgent side.
Gemini (may 22- June 21)
Comforting, Classic Jetta
Adaptable, versatile, youthful and lively, you, dear Gem, are basically the VW Jetta in human form. Even if you’re retired, you’ll still look fresh AF in this sassy sedan. We know you get stuck on appearances (Love you, mean it!) so before you protest that the Jetta is kinda basic, peep the 2018 update: Touch-screen app connectivity? Check. Concert-quality stereo system? Check. Blind spot sensors? You know it. This car is as cute and cunning as you are.
Cancer (june 22 - July 22)
You’re equal parts emotional/loving/imaginative and protective/shrewd/cautious. Therefore, the safe yet souped-up Mercedes E-Class Sedan is your obvious automotive soul mate. It received the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety's Top Safety Pick+ designation (its highest safety honor b-t-dubs), and its state-of-the-art technology enables it to merge into traffic for you with a touch of the turn signal. Bonus? Its smart seats offer anything from a “hot stone massage” to aromatherapy. Now that’s luxury you can get behind.
Leo (july 23 - August 21)
You are generous, warmhearted, faithful, expansive and, OK, just a teensy bit on the bossy side. But when you put the pedal to the metal in your roomy, smooth-riding, all-wheel-drive Forester…you are ready to pick up your son and his lacrosse buddies and take them straight out for ice cream. Just make sure you crank up that Sirius XM radio and don’t eavesdrop on their backseat goss sesh, K Ma? Your star sign tells us you have a tendency to be interfering.
Virgo (august 22 - September 23)
Modest, meticulous, reliable and intelligent, you wear your green heart on your sleeve—and wouldn’t dream of driving a gas guzzler. This pioneering hybrid keeps evolving with the times, and US News and World Report even named it its sixth best compact car in 2018. Plus its roomy interior and excellent fuel economy appeal to your sensible side.
Libra (september 24 - October 23)
You’re urbane, flirty and highly social with a tendency to be easily influenced (no, we did not say gullible). Thus the Cadillac Escalade—the best-selling luxury SUV in America—is right up your alley. Roomy enough to pick up seven of your BFFs en route to the club (you know the promoter so you’ll sail past the velvet rope), its Bose speaker system and built-in Wi-Fi ensure you can blast Beyoncé the whole way there—and post selfies to the ’Gram while stopped at red lights.
Scorpio (october 24 - November 22)
Woman of the Woods Jeep Wrangler
Determined, forceful, powerful and passionate, you don’t take the road less traveled; you go off-roading altogether. You’re exciting and magnetic yet secretive. You need a convertible Jeep with 33-inch all-terrain tires that you can drive over rocky woodlands while blasting Indigo Girls and just zen out alone for a while. (We’re not judging. We wouldn’t dare.)
Sagittarius (november 23 - December 22)
Ultra-Luzxe Range Rover
Optimistic and freedom-loving, joyful and a bit restless, you’re going places and you plan to get there in style. Enter the new Range Rover. Key stats like your speed, incoming phone calls and gear position appear in high def on the windshield, so you’ll feel all Tom Cruise in Minority Report whether you’re driving across polo fields or to the farmers’ market.
Capricorn (december 23 - January 20)
Tough Mother-Trucker Ford F150
Practical, prudent, ambitious yet careful, you’re not one to blow your savings on a status symbol. You’ll display your famous sense of discipline with Motor Trend’s Truck of the Year, thank you very much. This puppy can haul a boatload of sports gear or an actual boat. It also scans the road ahead for pedestrians (one of many innovative safety features), making it ideal for both obscenely crowded Trader Joe’s parking lots and city driving—basically, anywhere your unique brand of strength is required.