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You husband is a delight. And his mother? Also a delight! (You say through gritted teeth.) Here, the 16 MILs you could end up with--all special in their very own way.

MIL3

1. The one who loves you.

2. The one who hates you.

3. The one who’s intimidated by you.

4. The one who’s embarrassed to bring you to the country club.

MIL1

5. The one who only sees you for your uterus.

6. The one who’s had so much plastic surgery, she could pass for your sister--and constantly expects strangers to say so.

MIL6

7. The one who can’t really pronounce your name, so she still just calls you “Roger’s wife.”

8. The one who breastfed all her children until they were nine.

9. The one who won’t stop trying to ply you with meatballs.

10. The one who never had a daughter and thinks girl time is so great and wants to go out for guac and margs every single Wednesday.

MIL8

11. The one with such wildly different political and social views that the only safe topics are gardening and casserole recipes (and not always gardening if you’re being completely honest).

12. The one who gives you turquoise wind chimes and books about Norwegian mysticism for Christmas.

MIL7

13.The one who curses in front of your six-year-old. 

14. The one who keeps mentioning all the ways she’d decorate that guest room…when she moves in.

15. The one who just has a few suggestions for how you might want to baste that turkey.

16. The one who thinks you’re really such a nice girl. Just a shame you’re not Jewish.

MIL

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