Hooray! Your brother procreated! Now it's up to you to make sure his kids turn out way cooler than he did. Here, 13 ways to mold them into rad people (who just so happen to worship the ground you walk on).
1. Tell them embarrassing stories about their parents. Like the time their mother accidentally tucked her dress into her underpants at junior prom.
2. Offer to paint their toenails. (Boys, too.)
3. Give gifts that are for kids who are just a little bit older. What 12-year-old doesn't want a subscription to Rolling Stone?
4. Take them to hockey games. And let them get French fries and onion rings.
5. Sit at the kids’ table.
6. And talk to them like grown-ups.
7. And then when Thanksgiving dinner gets boring, bring them up to your childhood bedroom and play them Sonic Youth.
8. When you go on vacation, send a postcard.
9. Or better yet, bring them back something really weird--like a voodoo doll or a Mexican wrestling mask.
10. Intervene when their grandmother tries to dress them in matching sailor suits.
11. And give them your old purses and costume jewelry for playing dress up.
12. Call and text them just because.
13. But don’t use Snapchat. That’s just trying too hard.