What Your Winter Coat Says About You
Like it or not, it’s coat season, folks. To lighten the mood while we’re collectively freezing, let’s make jokes about what our choices in outerwear say about us, whether we wear puffer jackets, teddy coats or trenches.
Teddy Coat: You Probably Have an Instagram Husband
In between debates with friends about which Hadid sister you’d be and swooning over photos of the budding romance between Kaia Gerber and Pete Davidson, you’re probably watching a YouTube tutorial about how to do your makeup like a French girl. You drink matcha because of how pretty it is and your dream career is “influencer.”
Amazon Coat: You’re Basic and You Love It
Sure, every third person you see on the street is wearing the same coat as you, but honestly…free two-day shipping. Just as you start to worry whether you’re just a rat running on the endless wheel of capitalism, your iPhone 11 Pro buzzes to notify you that your Sweetgreen order is ready for pickup.
Shop the Amazon coat: Orolay ($107)
Trench Coat: You’re Meghan Markle Pretending ‘Deal or No Deal’ Never Happened
You daydream of London and had a capsule wardrobe before most people knew what a capsule wardrobe even was. You’re the “mom” of your friend group, and as much as you like to think you’re cooler than that, you’ve never filed your taxes later than December. You have a favorite royal (Meghan), and your freshman dorm had an Audrey Hepburn poster on the wall.
Faux-Fur Coat: You’re the Quirky Best Friend in Every Rom-Com
Your personality is 50 percent Devil Wears Prada quotes, and your mom asks you twice a year if she can throw out the stacks of Teen Vogue piled up in your childhood bedroom. You used to be a leopard-print coat girl, but once you saw it on your cousin who’s an elementary school teacher in Cleveland, you switched to something more fashun.
Biker Jacket: Your Phone Is on Dark MOde
You drink your coffee black (even if you’d prefer it light and sweet) and have a favorite art gallery. You’re proud of your resting bitch face and like to think of yourself as edgy because you have a second earlobe piercing (even though you’re secretly a Pollyanna who’s terrified of getting in trouble).
Puffer Jacket: You Get It
You’re over this winter sh*t.