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Like it or not, it’s coat season, folks. To lighten the mood while we’re collectively freezing, let’s make jokes about what our choices in outerwear say about us, whether we wear puffer jackets, teddy coats or trenches.

RELATED: Everyone’s Talking About Chris Evans’s ‘Knives Out’ Sweater. Here’s What You Need to Know

woman wearing a teddy coat
Caroline McCredie/Stringer/getty images

Teddy Coat: You Probably Have an Instagram Husband

In between debates with friends about which Hadid sister you’d be and swooning over photos of the budding romance between Kaia Gerber and Pete Davidson, you’re probably watching a YouTube tutorial about how to do your makeup like a French girl. You drink matcha because of how pretty it is and your dream career is “influencer.”

Shop teddy coats: Sam Edelman ($160); Halogen ($199); Max Mara ($3,690)

amazon coat dana
dara katz

Amazon Coat: You’re Basic and You Love It

Sure, every third person you see on the street is wearing the same coat as you, but honestly…free two-day shipping. Just as you start to worry whether you’re just a rat running on the endless wheel of capitalism, your iPhone 11 Pro buzzes to notify you that your Sweetgreen order is ready for pickup.

Shop the Amazon coat: Orolay ($107)

woman wearing a trenchcoat
Donell Woodson/Stringer/getty images

Trench Coat: You’re Meghan Markle Pretending ‘Deal or No Deal’ Never Happened

You daydream of London and had a capsule wardrobe before most people knew what a capsule wardrobe even was. You’re the “mom” of your friend group, and as much as you like to think you’re cooler than that, you’ve never filed your taxes later than December. You have a favorite royal (Meghan), and your freshman dorm had an Audrey Hepburn poster on the wall.

Shop trench coats: London Fog ($99); Tularosa ($228); Prada ($2,250)

woman wearing a faux fur coat
Donell Woodson/Stringer/getty images

Faux-Fur Coat: You’re the Quirky Best Friend in Every Rom-Com

Your personality is 50 percent Devil Wears Prada quotes, and your mom asks you twice a year if she can throw out the stacks of Teen Vogue piled up in your childhood bedroom. You used to be a leopard-print coat girl, but once you saw it on your cousin who’s an elementary school teacher in Cleveland, you switched to something more fashun.

Shop faux-fur coats: Stand Studio ($172); Majorelle ($248); Apparis ($335)

woman wearing a biker jacket
Joern Pollex/Stringer/getty images

Biker Jacket: Your Phone Is on Dark MOde

You drink your coffee black (even if you’d prefer it light and sweet) and have a favorite art gallery. You’re proud of your resting bitch face and like to think of yourself as edgy because you have a second earlobe piercing (even though you’re secretly a Pollyanna who’s terrified of getting in trouble).

Shop biker jackets: Avec Les Filles ($89); Show Me Your Mumu ($178); Moose Knuckles ($1,950)

woman wearing a puffer jacket
Donell Woodson/Stringer/getty images

Puffer Jacket: You Get It

You’re over this winter sh*t.

Shop puffer jackets: Madewell ($86); Universal Standard ($180); SAM. ($595)

RELATED: I’m Convinced That I Just Found the Amazon Coat 2.0

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