Every Oscar Dress of 2016, Ranked

This is how it's done, folks. A striking color, a tiny bit of shimmer and a wild card just because why the hell not? (In case you didn't notice, her earrings are mismatched.)

Before she commanded the stage, Gaga commanded the red carpet in a custom jumpsuit...with a train.

This, boys and girls, is a movie star.

Big ol' ditto here.

Taking a much different approach than in years past, J.Law ditches the ball skirts for a sexy corseted lace.

Alright, here's where the fights may start: Junior prom or nah? (Or, is it weird that we love it because it is kinda junior prom?)

God, we wished we'd look that good pregnant.

All of the sparkly bumps!

There's always one starkly modern gown in the mix. This year, the X-Men: Apocalypse star filled that role with a cheery little half cape.

We're gonna breeze past that steamer mistake and keep drooling over that halter.

Come at us if you must--but this woman DGAF. And looks badass doing it.

You know you secretly love Quantico. And tasteful naked dresses.

Her pre-show selfie caption read: "Here's how I look in my bedroom by my shelf of sweatpants!" Slow clap.

This one had to grow on us a bit. But ultimately our liquid-metal-fabric-loving heart must go on.

Similar to everything she's ever worn? Sure. Still working for her? Yeah, def.

We're halfway there, folks! And that's kinda how we feel about these appliqués...

Bonus points for the shoulder tat.

As someone who is often found in some kind of busy lace tea dress...we'll give her the simple purple.

Accidental twinning. But Tina inches out Reese on personal variety alone.

We want (so badly) to love this statuesque gown--if only we could actually see the shoulder pads.

Also, we had high hopes for this one. And then we saw the bubble hem.

So sweet. And yet so snoozy.

The most gorgeous dress. The most kick-ass girl. But the most uncomfortable red-carpet poses.

The flutter back is so good, but sadly our eyes can't even get there.

Correct us if we're wrong, but this is Naomi's...14th(?)...futuristic column gown?

Just a smidge too Versace.

You know that picture of Mark Zuckerberg's closet full of gray tees and blue hoodies? Rooney's is lined with white ruffle-hem Givenchy dresses.

Pretty in theory. Awkward in reality.

How one of the world's most beautiful people and one of New York Fashion Week's most standout gowns make such a disastrous combo we'll never know.

Usually a solid Top 5... All we'll say is: We look forward to seeing you next year, Ms. Moore.