What the Gift You Give Your Kid’s Teacher Says About You as a Person
The holidays are approaching, and that means it’s time to show your teachers how much you appreciate them...and also how you want them to think about you and your offspring for the next six months. Here, what your end-of-year gift says about your moral composition.
A Starbucks Gift Card
You have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to “bento box lunch ideas” but end up preparing your five-year-old hot dogs 95 percent of the time. You wear yoga pants to the grocery store, an infinity scarf to Thanksgiving dinner and you’re dreaming of a Cabo trip with your old sorority sisters.
A Seasonal Floral Arrangement
Your Google calendar is color-coded by family member and your children’s clothes are each labeled with their own specific font. You buy your Christmas presents online in June and you have never once in your life run out of toilet paper.
You’ve seen every episode of The Office and you definitely think you’re the funniest person in the PTA. If you can find a free evening, you’ll hit up that open mic night at the local Panera Bread. (You’ve got a million jokes about diaper blowouts you just KNOW are gonna kill.)
You sell healing crystals on Etsy and practice Reiki out of the playroom. Everything in your pantry is organic, and you heat your leftovers on the stovetop because you just don’t “trust” microwaves.
A Scented Candle
You took a self-defense class in college, but quit because hitting the mannequin made you uncomfortable. When invited to a multi-level marketing party on Facebook, you actually show up. And buy something.
If a hashtag is trending on Twitter, you’re the first person to start using it, and you binged the second season of Stranger Things the day it came out. You always know who Taylor Swift is dating. You own multiple pairs of studded boots.
You have been pregnant or breastfeeding for six out of the last seven years and you just don’t care anymore. It’s five o'clock somewhere.
You love your kid’s teacher! Well, at least everything the au pair tells you about your kid’s teacher. Oh, and you’re so sorry to miss the Christmas pageant this year, but flights to St. Martin are much less crowded when you leave on the 17th.
A fruit basket
You have graying hair that you wear down to your waist, along with gardening shoes and a macramé vest. Your children know how to tell if a cat is pregnant.
You gain five pounds every December, and expect others to do the same.
You are an angel from heaven.