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The Great Gatsby
Over the top? Nah.

In case you hadn?t heard, there?s this teeny, tiny totally subtle movie coming out today. We hear it involves drop-waist dresses and Jay-Z. Oh, and it?s based on that book by F. Scott Fitzgerald (no, not The Curious Case of Benjamin Button).

We?ll reserve our cinematic judgments until after we?ve seen the film (we preordered tickets weeks ago, obviously). But we?re not too shy to make a series of bold predictions before the lights go down. Here, our forecast for what will inevitably be a Great Gatsby super-storm.

1. Zelda shoots to the top of the list for baby girls? names in 2013. Myrtle remains at #15,528.

2. Retailers note a steady rise in the sale of pastel pastries and fancy walking sticks.

3. So You Think You Can Charleston debuts. Will.i.am hosts.

4. Carey Mulligan shocks fans by not wearing a flapper dress to the Oscars.

5. Carey Mulligan shocks fans by inadvertently flashing her belly button on the red carpet.

6. Robert Redford and Leonardo DiCaprio get into a fistfight at New York City?s 40/40 Club. Redford wins.

7. Everyone starts buying art deco wallpaper and table lamps.

8. Nobody starts buying $200,000 diamond headpieces.

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