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The Second City
The Second City in Old Town.

A recent American Boredom Institute study showed that Chicagoans who write e-mails with mundane subject lines like ?See you tomorrow? and ?(no subject)? are 85 percent less likely to be invited to dinner at Next than those who quip such witticisms as ?Drinks in the conference room??

Sound like the intro to an Onion story? We gave it a shot. And we promise we?ll be even funnier after taking the Second City?s new ?Basic Writing with The Onion? course, an eight-week program that teaches the secrets behind the satirical rag?s hilarious headlines. (Tuition $350 to $380; class meets on Tuesday and Thursday nights.)

The next session starts in late June, but early registration opens on May 24, and this is a wait-by-your-computer situation: It?s expected to sell out in 30 minutes or less. (No joke.)

Under the tutelage of Onion founding editor Scott Dikkers, you?ll learn to write funny titles and short stories while boosting your creativity in ways that can only improve your daily life: Your Tweets will sparkle, your adult sibling taunts will zing and the effectiveness of your passive-aggressive Post-it notes to colleagues will soar.??

Our inner Tina Fey is already taking notes.
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The Second City Training Center, 1608 N. Wells St., 4th fl.; 312-664-3959 or thesecondcity.com/training

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