22 Things Only Insomniacs Understand
You + coffee = besties for life
After an exhausting day, there’s nothing better than changing into comfy PJs and crawling into bed. But when you’re cursed with chronic insomnia, the actually-falling-asleep part is more tricky than it looks. Like, trickier than the SATs.
We feel your pain. Here are 22 things only insomniacs understand. (Bookmark this to read at 3 a.m.)
1. You and coffee have become besties for life.
2. Unless it’s after 4 p.m. Then you guys are enemies.
3. You hang out with Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert more than your actual friends.
4. You know the Pasta Boat infomercial by heart (and shhh, but you might have impulse-bought one at 3 a.m. last week).
5. Full House reruns? Seen 'em all. Yes, even the one where they go to Disney World.
6. And don’t even get us started on I Love Lucy.
7. When your co-worker complains she “only got six hours of sleep,” you try to contain your eye-roll.
8. And yep, you’ve already tried warm milk. And taking a bath. And counting sheep. And sour cherry juice.
9. But the sheep just keep reminding you about that spelling test you failed in fifth grade. Can you use “rotisserie” in a sentence?
10. And then you start wondering what Ms. Shultz is up to after all these years, anyway.
11. And then you get up and look up Ms. Shultz on Facebook, because why not? It’s not like you were doing anything else at two in the morning. Certainly not sleeping.
12. It’s always too damn hot under the covers.
13. …So then you throw them off, and it’s too damn cold without them.
14. So then you get up and turn the air conditioner on.
15. But now wait, what is this, an igloo?
16. Your most productive hour of the day is 3 a.m.
17. But 3 p.m., when you’re trying to finish a project? Can’t keep your eyes open.
18. You love how peaceful and quiet it is at 4 a.m.
19. …And hate how loud the birds are at 5 a.m.
20. Then around 6:30, when you fiiiinally start drifting off to sleep…
21. Your alarm rings.
22. But don’t forget: No matter how tired you are, there’s always coffee. Sweet, sweet (perfectly bitter) coffee.