During this time of social distancing, we can’t help but wonder what the royal family is up to. Like, are Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip texting their attendants instead of ringing crystal bells to get their attention? Are Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, Prince William and Kate Middleton FaceTiming from their respective homes and organizing virtual playdates for the kids? Honestly, they probably are. Which makes us wonder, what are they chatting about? Here, a very unlikely (but maybe possible?) FaceTime conversation between the royal Fab Four.
Harry: Hayyyyyy, party people! How’s everyone holding up? Willz, what song are you singing while washing your hands?
Will: Hello, Harry. I trust that you, Meghan and Archie are well. I’ve been singing “God Save the Queen,” of course.
Kate: Hey, Harry. Oh, did you do something different with your facial hair?
Harry: Oh, yeah. In an act of solidarity with Meghan, I decided to go clean-faced to show unity during this time of chaos. Right, babe?
Meghan: Sorry, was just getting Archie down for his nap and our meditation chant went a little long.
Kate: So, are you both staying sane being cooped up in Canada?
Meghan: Totally! It’s been a lovely bonding experience for us as a family. And Harry and I have been watching this interesting show on Netflix called Suits—I mean Love Is Blind.
Harry: Hell yeah! It’s basically just a bunch of sexy people looking for love, but they don’t get to see each other until they get engaged. Then they have to get married in, like, two weeks.
William: Ah, sounds similar to the marriage practices of long-gone generations. Does it pre-date Downton Abbey, Prince Harry?
Harry: It’s Harry…just Harry.
William: Sorry, you know how excited I get about period pieces and historical classics.
Meghan: Ah, no, it’s actually set in modern times and the people date in pods and talk through a screen.
Harry: Do it! Do it! Do it!
Meghan: That’s thrilling! Speaking of labor, we’ve been working hard at building our careers stateside and in Canada. Did you hear we met J.Lo? Kate, she told me what moisturizer she uses. It’s—
*Phone cuts out*
William: Ugh, the service is so bad here at Kensington! I wanted to hear that. It must be all the thick walls and gilded flourishes. We’ll have to bring this up to Gan-Gan again.
Kate: William, she owns various McDonald’s locations, not cell phone towers.
William: Still, Catherine.
Harry: Yaaasss, future queen consort! You tell him.
Meghan: Anyway, before I forget, I’m sending you all an Isolation Cake from Luminary Bakery. Also, Kate, I love that blouse!
Kate: Thanks, Meghan! It’s actually…
Meghan: Sold out already?
Kate: *Blushes* Yeah.
Harry: Well, should we get the rugrats together for a virtual playdate tomorrow?
Harry: Did you say skiing lessons? In spring? At the palace…?
Meghan: I heard Gwyneth does that!
Kate: Sorry, I haven’t watched her Netflix series yet, Meghan, but Gan-Gan said she loves it. The kids are keeping me busy. Speaking of, I think I hear Louis. I better go. Lots of love, fam!
William: Goodbye, brother. Meghan. Don’t forget to wash your hands!
Harry: And don’t touch your face! Love ya.
Meghan: Bye all! Do be sure to let me know what you think of my cake.