16 New Year’s Resolutions That Only New Yorkers Would Make
We’re gonna cook more…we swear
Guys, we made it through 2016. And while we know you’re busy with other things—namely, trying on that killer New Year’s Eve dress—it never hurts to get a jump on 2017. Here are 16 only-in-NYC resolutions to make.
1. Cut down your Seamless/Caviar/Postmates orders to just three times a week. You can do it.
2. Start wearing a seatbelt in the back of cabs. (Seriously: They’re not golf carts.)
3. Finally get a driver’s license…at the tender age of 31.
4. Vow to stop blaming your chronic lateness on “the subway.” Your friends are wising up to the fact that the F train isn’t that much of a mess.
5. Get rid of those shoes that always give you blisters. Four months is not a standard break-in period.
6. Stop feeling guilty when you cancel on your boyfriend’s coworker’s fiancé’s roommate’s birthday dinner. We promise: No one will care.
7. Finally accept that going to Trader Joe’s at 7 p.m. on Sunday is never a good idea.
8. Stop accumulating crappy bodega umbrellas and actually get a good one that lasts. (And then remember to actually take it with you.)
9. Sorry, but you don’t actually need a daily $4.50 cortado from La Colombe. Learn to make a decent cup at home, at least most days…OK, at least one day a week.
10. Pledge not to walk around while listening to a podcast and scrolling through your phone. This is why you walked into a mailbox that one time.
11. Try not to get irritated when relatives come to visit and walk at an ungodly slow pace. (Try really, really hard.)
12. Quit acting surprised/outraged when there’s a 90-minute wait at Roberta’s. It comes with the territory, people.
13. Likewise, you can stop gasping in shock when your out-of-town friends tell you how little they pay in rent. Just nod, smile and remember: They can’t get a fresh-baked bagel at 1 a.m.
14. Realize that spending $300 at a Theory sample sale isn’t technically “saving” money.
15. And that eyelash extensions and gel manicures aren’t really a cost-of-living expense. (Sorry.)
16. Or hey, give up on resolutions entirely. You’re a New Yorker—you don’t have time for that nonsense.