Calling all DDs, FFFs and anybody else who self-identifies as “well-endowed.” Despite what plastic surgeons might have you believe, life isn’t always so peachy for those of us on the higher end of the alphabet. Here, 19 things you understand only if you have big boobs. (Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be spending the next 15 minutes stuffing ourselves into our sheath dresses.)
1. The heaven that is a full-coverage, wide-strapped support bra.
2. And the hell that is an itty-bitty cutesy bandeau.
3. The fact that it basically takes a neoprene body cast to make running enjoyable.
4. And jumping jacks? Yeah, we’re not even going there.
5. That there are whole categories of clothing you can just never wear.
6. Like wrap dresses.
7. And backless shirts.
8. And empire waists.
9. And anything with “side boob” (which for you, would look like “side ham”).
10. Related: the dreaded button gap.
11. That people will accuse you of being intentionally sexy when you’re just trying to get your lifeguard certification, dammit.
12. That men will always stare at your chest.
13. Women, too, for that matter.
14. That any baby will immediately start pawing at your boobs until his embarrassed mother takes him back and offers him a bottle.
15. That when you lie on your stomach, you feel like you’re suffocating.
16. That when you lie on your back, the girls end up somewhere between your armpits and ear lobes.
17. That when you return home from a movie and take off your clothes, an entire handful of popcorn falls out of your blouse.
18. That the euphemism “curvy” is kinda patronizing.
19. Being able to really do the shimmy is oddly liberating.