Things Only People Who Live in Manhattan Understand
You’re always 10 steps from a bacon, egg and cheese
There are two types of people in this world: New Yorkers…and everyone else.
Sure, the rent is nauseatingly expensive and the 49th Street subway station has a weird smell that never seems to go away, but it’s our home, and we (you know, us and Beyoncé) love it.
Here are 29 things you’ll understand only if you live in Manhattan.
1. No matter which block you’re on, you’re always within ten steps of an ATM, a drugstore and a bodega with an amazing bacon, egg and cheese.
2. Except when it’s raining, and then you’re never near anything.
3. …And when you finally find a Duane Reade, the umbrellas (even the ones with those terrible plastic handles) are suddenly $18. And when you get outside, they break immediately.
4. …But instead of throwing it out, you add it to the pile of 25 broken drugstore umbrellas in your closet, because hey, you never know.
5. You haven’t been in the front seat of a car in two years.
6. In fact, you’re not sure you even remember how to drive.
7. But you know your out-of-state license hasn’t expired, because you got carded at Dear Irving last weekend (yesss, still got it).
8. You got really, really excited when you first heard about the plans for a Second Avenue subway line.
9. …And then you realized the whole thing was a cruel joke. (Oh, it’ll be done December 2016? We’ll believe it when we see it.)
10. You know what’s an even more hilarious joke? Trying to get on the 6 train at rush hour.
11. Over the years, every one of your out-of-town friends has slept on your couch to avoid paying for a $500 hotel room.
12. And then they have the gall to ask you where your dishwasher is. (What’s a dishwasher?)
13. And if they can just throw a shirt in your dryer really fast. (Nope.)
14. And if there’s a Cheesecake Factory around here. (Nooooope. But soon.)
15. You’re a master at avoiding eye contact--in fact, you barely notice those scraggly off-brand Elmos anymore.
16. Yet it’s totally acceptable to just ask any random person how much their rent is (even a scraggly off-brand Elmo).
17. …And then you and Elmo share stories about those mysterious unicorn people who have rent-controlled apartments.
18. …And before you know it, you and Elmo are getting a drink at McSorley’s together (hey, New Yorkers can make friends with anyone).
19. Seeing famous people is a weekly occurrence--but you always leave Martin Scorsese alone when he’s buying orange juice at Whole Foods.
20. In fact, your aesthetician’s friend’s cousin lives in the same building as Beyoncé (and you definitely haven’t spent two hours hanging out on the stoop just in case she decides to come out).
21. There are so many restaurant options, you could eat a different type of cuisine every night for a month. Laotian food is amazing, BTW.
22. Except you’ve never actually seen the inside of your go-to Thai restaurant (Seamless, je t’aime).
23. But even with so many choices, you still always end up eating that same “whole-wheat everything with lox and cream cheese--untoasted” from your favorite bagel place every Saturday.
24. Unless your favorite is Russ & Daughters, because it’s just too damn crowded. You’ll have to wait for a rainy Tuesday and call out sick.
25. You have been known to make a pilgrimage to Brooklyn and wait three hours for pizza at Di Fara.
26. …But the line at the Union Square Trader Joe’s? Forget it.
27. Abbi and Ilana from Broad City speak the truth--sample sales are a contact sport.
28. Oh, and going to the Ikea in Red Hook? Same deal.
29. Between ballroom dance lessons, Rock ‘N’ Roll Karaoke at Arlene's Grocery, Pilates class, drinks with friends, a comedy show, two movies, an opera at the Met and a kickball game in Central Park, you do more amazing stuff in a week than your friends in the 'burbs do in a whole year. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.