Between the construction on every corner and that darn trolley, we thought traversing Uptown couldn’t get any more difficult. Then a new Whole Foods opened on McKinney.

But we’ll tell you why it’s worth the trip: the people watching.

Here are the 13 types of people you’ll see once you set foot inside the door. (And we know, dear reader, that you are none of these.)

ShoppingWithKids

The Multitasking Mom

How she pushes the cart while nursing we’ll never know…

Gymclothes

The Gym Rat

The fitness freaks flock from the Gold’s Gym across the street to refuel in between reps.

basic

The Basic B

Because a pumpkin spice latte and sky-high wedges are requirements for grocery shopping.

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The Freeloader

Snagging samples of everything, from challah bread to nine-grain crackers with salmon spread. Leave some for the rest of us, will you?!

SAHMS

The SAHM

She looks perfect in her Lululemon ensemble while her overly smocked twins torment the unassuming cookie baker. Seriously, there’s free fruit up at the front in the Kid’s Zone.

 

DILF

The DILF

Need we say more?

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The Yuppie

You’ll find a crowd of them in the Tap Room at five o’clock, sipping craft brews before heading home up North. The ’burbs, man.

 

Dog

The Dog Smuggler

Look, lady, we know you’re hiding a Lhasa apso in that oversized purse.

cheese

The Cheese Snob

Cambozola versus Montrachet: Always agonizing over the perfect wedge. (You have a Merlot in your basket, so go with the Cambozola, obvi.)

Tourist

The tourist

You’re from Waxahachie (or so says your T-shirt), walking all slow, touching everything and just taking it all in.

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The Organic-Living Wannabes

Hey, we saw you downing cheap margs at Mattito’s last night. Buying organic avocados today ain’t going to make up for it.

CollegeShopping

The SMU Student

The contents of her cart say it all. And so does her payment method (dad’s credit card, FTW).

chace

Chace Crawford

We’ll shop for fair-trade coffee with you anytime, Chace. And we won’t even ask for a selfie.

 

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