How to Answer Your Family’s Annoying Questions
A sarcastic holiday survival guide
The holidays are all about balance. To get the good (presents! food!), you have to take the bad--namely, annoying, prodding questions from your relatives that you’d rather not answer but are obliged since that’s how family works. So before Thanksgiving, arm yourself with perfectly snarky answers to all of the none-of-your-business questions that are going to be thrown at you over the next few months.
Your sister asks: Are you really going to eat that second piece of pie?
You answer: God no! I was just waiting to see how long it would take for you to comment on it.
Uncle Mike asks: What do you even do with a liberal arts diploma?
You answer: OK, so first you go to Home Depot and ask someone where the framing section is. Then you pick one, bring it home, put your diploma into it and hang it up. It’s a super-cool addition to a gallery wall!
Your grandmother asks: When are you going to find a nice man to settle down with?
You answer: I actually just quit my job to pursue finding a guy to take care of me full time. Suggestions appreciated!
Your mom asks: You know, Betty’s daughter is married with two kids. Why can’t you be more like her?
You answer: Just lucky, I guess.
Your twice-divorced aunt asks: Can I set you up with my friend’s son? He’s quite the catch!
You answer: Maybe! You know what they say, sometimes the worst players make the best coaches.