23 Things That All Oldest Siblings Understand
Raise your hand if you tried to sell your little brother
There’s no question birth order has some kind of cosmic impact on your personality. Ahem, we’re looking at you, attention-seeking middle child or perennially-babied youngest sibling. But being the oldest doesn’t mean we get through childhood scot-free. Here, 23 things every oldest child can relate to.
1. There’s no doubt about it—for a good run there, you were queen of the universe.
2. But let’s face it: we were basically our parents’ Guinea pigs…they really nailed the whole car seat thing by the time the next kid was born.
3. Speaking of, becoming a big sibling is not just a family milestone; it’s a catastrophic paradigm shift.
4. In fact, anytime we meet someone new, we have flashbacks of suddenly having to share our toys.
5. Because as soon as there was a new cutest baby around, we were basically chopped liver.
6. Everything was always our fault. Even if little Timmy punched us in the face, we must have instigated it somehow.
7. So yeah, maybe we got a little entrepreneurial and tried to sell our new baby sibling.
8. After all, if we could just go back to being the only child, all the Christmas presents would be ours (mwahahaha).
9. And we wouldn’t have to be the 13-year-old watching Dora the Explorer with the younger kids.
10. And there’d be no need to set up booby traps to see which of our sibs is sneaking into our closet and stealing clothes.
11. On that note, these dresses aren’t hand-me-downs until we say they are. Capeesh?
12. The realization that we had a little army of supporters willing to do anything for their big sis kinda changed the game.
13. Why risk sneaking into the candy drawer when you could send a little minion to do your bidding for you?
14. Alas, with great power, comes great responsibility. We were basically on this earth to “set a good example.”
15. God forbid a “B” on a middle school report card is setting a bad example.
16. We have been babysitting and tutoring pro bono since age 12. Seriously, you’re going to try to convince us that’s part of our allowance?
17. And hey, why did the younger kids start getting allowance way before we did?
18. And our little brother was watching Knocked Up at 10 years old? We weren’t allowed to see a rated-R movie until—wait are we allowed to yet?
19. When we broke our 10 P.M. curfew by 2 minutes all hell broke loose, but by the time Bobby reached high school he didn’t even know what a curfew was.
20. Wait wait wait. She has a cell phone? We didn’t have a cell phone until well into high school.
21. The nuisance of your little sister constantly trying to tag along. Stop trying to roll with my squad, OK?
22. The disbelief every time your little siblings reach any milestone. Graduate high school? But he’s a baby…
23. You’re the ultimate protector of your younger siblings, but sorry kiddos, everyone needs a good noogie every once in a while.