Every Person You’re Guaranteed to See at the Movie Theater
People-watching at its finest
The movie theater really is the great equalizer. Few other places bring together such a varied group of people with one single goal (in this case, watching Tom Cruise base jump off a building). Ergo, it’s a prime place to people-watch. From the good (cheering grandmas) to the not so good (screaming children), chances are you’ve seen at least one of these folks at your local megaplex.
The new couple
Guy takes girl to Katherine Heigl movie. Guy tries every charm move in the book. Plan works. Aggressive public make-out ensues.
The first daters
All of those things, swapping PDA for extreme awkwardness.
Only sees movies before 6 p.m. Also easily identified by the rustling bags of sugary contraband in her purse.
The person who doesn’t know how to whisper
How is badly executed whispering so much worse than straight up talking?
The gang of grannies
Seeing Magic Mike XXL for the third time.
Has an encyclopedic knowledge of IMDB. Knows way too much about the gaffer’s early work.
The person who is beyond confused
Pay attention, friend. There really isn’t that much to keep straight in a Vin Diesel movie.
The seat saver
The movie is starting in 30 seconds and you’ve got an entire row saved? Move those jackets or so help us God, we’ll…
The kid seeing an R-rated movie
Mom and Dad couldn’t get a babysitter, so somehow the 9 p.m. showing of Straight Outta Compton seemed like a good idea.
The emotional mess
Becomes a human puddle of tears when Gerard Butler changes his bad boy ways to win back the girl of his dreams. Or when Skippie comes home. Or when...literally any string music begins. (OK, fine--this is us.)