10 Sins You Should Never Commit in NYC
Thou shalt not upstream, and 9 other commandments
You know the best place to grab an everything with lox and a schmear (Ess-a-Bagel). You can walk in heels for 20 blocks without falling, getting blisters or crying. You even know how to get Hamilton tickets for $10, dammit.
But you aren’t a true New Yorker unless you follow the 10 commandments of living in the city. We’re looking at you, upstreamer.
1. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S CAB
It’s called upstreaming, people--and if you do it, you’ll look like a huge jerk. Never stand in front of someone trying to hail a cab. Instead, walk to the next block or wait until the other guy has successfully flagged down a car.
2. THOU SHALT NOT STEP IN THAT INNOCENT-LOOKING PUDDLE
No matter what, it’s always deeper than it looks. Trust us.
3. THOU SHALT NOT TEXT WHILE WALKING UP THE STAIRS
While you were making brunch plans, the lady behind you just missed her subway transfer and probably cast some sort of evil curse on you.
4. THOU SHALT NOT EAT UNDERGROUND
OK, if you want to sneak a granola bar between meetings, we’re cool with that. But pleaaaaassssse save the Filet-O-Fish sandwich for your apartment.
5. THOU SHALT NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK
Not to window-shop. Not to text. Not to check out the line at Momofuku Nishi. Not to gawk at Leonardo DiCaprio. Keep walking or get out of the way.
6. THOU SHALT NOT GET ON THE EMPTY TRAIN CAR
It’s always empty for a reason.
7. THOU SHALT NOT BUG RYAN GOSLING WHILE HE’S BUYING GROCERIES
He just wants to buy goji berries in peace.
8. THOU SHALT NOT HOG THE SUBWAY POLE
You have no idea where that thing has been, so we’d suggest not making it your personal butt rest.
9. THOU SHALT NOT USE AN UMBRELLA AS A WEAPON
Yep, it’s raining and we’re all in a hurry. But try not to stab anyone in the eye, OK?
10. THOU SHALT NOT EAT PIZZA FROM SBARRO
Sorry, Michael Scott. We’re taking you to Roberta’s.