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You bought the plane tickets. You booked the Grand Floridian Resort and Spa. Your kid is officially going bonkers counting down the days. But before you get too excited for your upcoming Disney adventure, prepare yourself for these 11 characters.


1. The adult who’s weirdly into Mickey.

2. The seven-year-old who just dropped her ice cream cone.

3. The couple who are there ironically--or are they?

4. The people who just got married at Cinderella’s Castle. Seriously.


5. The kid who’s excited about the ride… except scared… except excited… except “how realistic are the dinosaurs again?”

6. The grandpa in tube socks.

7. The woman who messed up her FastPass and is supposed to be at the Jungle Cruise, but she’s not schlepping all the way back to the Magic Kingdom now, is she?

8. The child who is having a meltdown because where the F is Elsa?!


9. The dad who’s trying to repair his fractured relationship with his kids who are way too old for Finding Nemo. (And he’d know that if he ever--just once--came to one of Bryson’s track meets.)

10. The armchair European scholar who wants to know why the glockenspiel in “Germany” isn’t set to Düsseldorf time.

11. The DILF.


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