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Don’t lie to us: We know you’ve scrapped everything you had planned for the weekend thanks to the early release of Season Three of Orange Is the New Black. To help you prep for 13 hours on the couch, here’s a quick refresher on where things stand. (If you’ve never watched the show, spoilers ahead--obviously.)

oitnb 1

Larry and Piper are dunzo

It’s not like their relationship was ever all sunshine and roses, but in Season Two, Larry hooked up with a lady friend: Polly, Piper’s bestie. In case you’re holding out for reconciliation, don’t count on it. Jason Biggs won’t be back for Season Three.

oitnb 2

Alex is ba-ack

Having convinced Piper to lie on the stand about meeting Kubra (the mother of all drug lords), Alex is granted a get-out-of-jail-free card after testifying against her former crime boss. But she quickly realizes that life outta Litchfield ain’t no picnic--especially when you’re constantly peeking over your shoulder worrying about Kubra’s henchmen. So, she pops by the slammer to tell Piper that she’s skipping town. Not so fast. Piper rats her out to Polly, who tips off Alex’s parole officer. Back to prison Alex goes.

oitnb fig

Fig is out, Caputo is in

Can we get a what, what? Girl seriously deserved to get the boot. And since Piper basically helped Caputo seal that deal (slow clap), he threw her a bone and called off her transfer to prison in Virginia.

oitnb nicky

We’re kinda sorta worried about Nicky

Yeah, she did Red a solid and stole Vee’s heroin stash, but she didn’t toss it. She stored it in a vent. And she’s a former addict. Dun dun dun.

ointb 5

Vee and Rosa might not make it

“I’m out, baby!” Those were the words running through Vee’s head when she used Red’s greenhouse escape hatch to flee. That is, until Rosa, who was speeding down the highway in the prison van (stolen thanks to an assist from Morello), ran her over. Chances are, Rosa--who was told she had just six weeks to live--succumbed to her cancer. Fingers crossed it happened outside Litchfield’s walls.

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