25 Ways You Know You’re a Grown-Ass Woman
Less about age. More about how excited you get by Home Depot.
Gut-check time: Do you own a pair of heels that cost more than your car payment? And if forced to choose between them and your yoga pants, would you let those stilettos burn in a fire?
Being a real-life adult (whether you’re 32 or 82) means knowing exactly which things to care about and which things you’ll leave to the Millennials to sweat over. Here are 25 ways you know you’re a grown-ass woman.
1. You hired a legit financial planner.
2. And fired your Uncle Mort.
3. But (shhhh…) still drop a mortgage payment on a killer pair of Louboutins.
4. Or a bucket-list vacay.
5. Or the latest Dyson vac.
6. You’ve learned the value of saying no to things.
7. And the value of telling people when you’re upset.
8. And the value of, quite frankly, seeing a legit colorist who’s well past her third month of cosmetology school.
9. Your Saturday afternoons are spent at Home Depot.
10. And you don’t even make an Old School joke about it.
11. You have zero interest in understanding Snapchat.
12. But do secretly want to know what the “shy monkey” emoji means.
13. You’ve officially moved on from Craigslist to Zillow.
14. And have been known to utter the phrase “What incredible crown molding!”
15. Numbers 1 and 2 on your car radio are preprogrammed to NPR affiliates.
16. At professional happy hours, you stick to two Sauv Blancs. Max.
17. But when you do have one too many, the worst you do is drunk-order cleaning supplies from Amazon.
18. You’ve sworn off concerts that don’t have seating.
19. And underpants that don’t have full-butt coverage.
20. OK, fine, you had to Google Ariana Grande.
21. And “Bye Felicia.”
22. And, for that matter, how to use your selfie stick.
23. You think Stephen Colbert is hotter than Channing Tatum.
24. But you’re obviously going to see Magic Mike XXL.
25. Heck, you just might see it twice. And you will not apologize for it.
